While we were in Vegas, I shared with Ana my thoughts about my kids' eating, family dinners, meal planning etc. While she was sharing with me that sometimes cooking dinner can be hectic in getting it all on the table amidst two kids, I found myself envious of her because I've been a big wimp when it comes to the "family dinner". So here is the deal-- Chris and I eat dinner each night, just the two of us. The kids eat before they go to bed. Once they are in bed, Chris and I have our dinner. I've always felt the main reason for eating dinners as a family was to connect, talk, and bond. However because Chris works from home, we are together as a family far more than is typical. We get a lot of family time during the day, whether that is outings or just spurts of time Chris takes a break from work and comes to play with us.
Because of this, I haven't felt badly about eating separate from the kids in the evenings. To be honest, I LOVE not feeling rushed or stressed because Kendall isn't eating. I like not being constantly interrupted or explaining to Cam why he has to take four bites of his hamburger, but the bites have to INCLUDE the meat. I also love not being in a frenzy around dinner time trying to get it all ready with them running around (I always prep their dinners during the day so I can just heat them up right beforehand). However I've come to realize three things:
1. I think both kids (Kendall in particular) have become so picky due in large part to the fact that they don't SEE Chris and I eating. Dinner is where you get the most variety of foods. They don't see us eating and enjoying those foods. I think this plays into their rejection of a lot of things.
2. Because we only eat with Kendall for breakfast and lunch, I have never forced her to stay in her chair for longer than when she is done eating. While I don't expect her to be able to sit the whole time, she needs to sit for longer than the two minutes she lasts when I plop something down in front of her that she doesn't like.
3. I end up feeding the kids things I know they'll eat...since I'm only making their meals. And why they are healthy, I KNOW I'm not exposing them to enough variety.
So while I'm not quite ready to pull the trigger on "family dinners" tomorrow, I know it needs to happen...
7 comments:
Family dinners are hard, but you're right, they are important. We didn't start doing them until we moved to Pittsburgh, and you're absolutely right about the hectic time getting dinner ready... with Cora wanting up and Ava wanting to help (it's definitely like a 3 ring circus!), and then while eating trying to talk between Cora squawking and Ava bouncing and only staying for about 7 minutes, it's definitely not relaxing. One thing I did to make it easier for me is we do family dinners Mon-Friday, and then Saturday and Sunday we feed them earlier and Kyle and I have mini-home date nights and eat on our own. But, on the weekend, Ava will always ask to go to the dinner table and eat as a family. It has become a time I can tell she really cherishes and feels special being a part of. Maybe just start out a few nights a week? Maybe start on the weekends when Chris is able to help play with the kids while you cook? Good luck!! =)
I like Jessica's idea with doing your separate dinners on the weekends still. Better than going cold turkey plus you are getting to have your cake and eat it too. (Is that the saying?!)
I've been thinking a lot about the picky thing lately too, and I totally think that how picky our kids are is hugely influenced by what we expose our kids to. (Not solely, but hugely. =)
I realized NONE of my kids like potatoes - a staple! - (and I think now that it's b/c I never serve them since Chris doesn't like them. Well now I've made it so that FOUR people in my family don't like them instead of just ONE!! =(
And just because I'm grossed out by eggs I never serve them - and guess what, my kids don't want them either.
Same with a lot of things I think. Kind of wish I'd realized this a lot sooner.
So.. happy exposing to both you and to me! Yikes, that doesn't sound good! =)
ps: Also wanted to say though that you should give yourself some grace - you have it tougher than most.
Give yourself a break--they're just 2 and 4. I don't think it's bad to have waited till now. Jessica's idea of not doing it 7 nights a week sounds good, too.
Maybe you can do an online search for other good ideas before you start, so you can get off on the right foot. Some "table manner guidelines"...maybe a sticker for good table behavior...not having them come & sit down until you're totally ready to start eating (idle time can be trouble)...etc., etc.
--Mom
I think everything you said makes sense. I've often read your blog and been envious that you have Chris going along with you to Costco and such, since that is something that never happens with my family. I am solo with the kids all day until 5:00 I think it's awesome that you do get to spend so much family time together throughout the day.
However, I agree with you that family dinners are important. It's eating TOGETHER, having to learn manners, forcing them to sit for longer than they'd like, etc that is helpful for our kids (because otherwise I probably never would teach them those things). To be honest, dinner time can be stressful. They kids are hungry, want my attention, and I'm trying to get a meal on the table. I end up frazzled sometimes, and other times it all works out great.
I usually make it a point to serve my kids at least one or two things I know they will like, and then also serve them what Matt and I are eating. There have been things I have been surprised that they have loved, and a lot of things they have rejected. I think the important thing is that I'm at least offering it to them and exposing them to new foods, and also modeling to them how to eat together,n stay seated when finished eating, have a conversation, and learn manners. So, since we don't spend much time together as a family during the day, family dinners are important to us.
Honestly, I think different things work for different families, and that is OK :) Don't beat yourself up over this, you are an AMAZING mother and I often admire your creativity and devotion to your family :)
I am laughing reading this post because I cannot even imagine how my describing our dinners to you could make you even consider trying it out at home. Maybe I wasn't clear enough about just how CRAZY it is! :)
I would say start off slow eat one or two nights a week together see how it goes get them comfortable then add days. We eat together every night but my kids are not horribly picky which makes it easier.
We do easy dinners with lots of options like there is always one meat option but 2 veggies we try to get them to eat both. We also have a rule that you stay in your seat until mom says you can go or if they finish first they get dessert or fruit to keep them in thier seats longer.
It is hard at first but after a while they get used to it we used to eat just Breven and I and Brad separate but since we all eat dinner together now taking them out to a resturant and eating at others houses has become much easier!
And I am jealous that your hubby is home all the time I do all my trips out solo even when we were doing therapy things I had both kids with me so you are truly blessed to have him home!
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