So here is my struggle. Most of the literature I have read has said that the best action to take with temper tantrums is to ignore them. While we have yet to enter the temper tantrum stage (crossing fingers it never happens!!), I find myself confused on the use of time outs related to fussiness/mild crying.
I tend to view most of Kendall's turdy behavior through the lens of also having a child who can't handle her being upset. I often wonder if there are things I would do differently, had I not a child like Cam with those sensitivities. So here is the question: Do you use time outs for fussiness and being whiny? When I asked Kendall to come into the house today and she didn't want to, she did come in, but crying the whole way. So should I use a time out for her attitude while obeying? My first instinct was to use it because I wanted to end the fussing for Cam's sake. But if Cam weren't there, I would have most likely ignored her and waited to interact until she had calmed down.
Here lies the problem. It's hard for me to be objective about what I would and wouldn't discipline for with Cam in the equation. And I want to do what is best/most effective for Kendall, even if it is hard for Cam. I don't want her getting away with more. Does that make sense?
6 comments:
Yes, totally makes sense. On the plus side perhaps you'll wind up with a child who is not whiny at all because you are trying to handle that early on?
I don't often give time outs for fussing/whining... if Ethan looses it and starts screaming I just send him to his room (which I guess would be the equivalent of me giving him a time out for having a temper tantrum).
In our house if someone is whining about something we usually just ignore it... but we don't have someone else who is bothered by it.
When Ethan is whiny to me, I usually just make him speak nicely before I'll listen. If he's out right disrespectful he gets soap in the mouth or a time out.
It makes perfect sense! Girls I have noticed tend to whine and tantrum more and over different things then boys do!
If Breven has a tantrum he goes right to his room on his bed door closed(which he hates and ends things pretty fast) if the tantrum continues on then I give him his calming option which is a shower(sounds odd but works) once he is done we can talk. He has to apologize for what he has done and has some form of punishment depending on how bad things got. He has lost toys, tv, nintendo, early bed time you name it we use it!
Disrespectful talk is our issue which you may find him doing when hanging around with older kids or from school(just to warn you)he has had his mouth washed with soap like Jess said(thats a big one for using nasty words) he has had to write apology notes to me. He has also lost his allowance money at times because I am not giving money to a disprespectful child.
As for Aubree she gets whiney and I try to ignore it as best I can. I do not give in or cave in and I do sometimes talk to her with a whine so she knows how she sounds. I tell her to use her big girl voice when she talks.I have also said I don't speak whinease(its a smart remark but gets them to stop) If she is super whiney that means something is going on either she is hungry or tired is what I have found or overstimulated. If she is just doing it to get her way I say time out.
Now as for tantrums she throws big ones! But its rare! But I immediatly place her in the time out corner. If she is still going in the corner its to the room she goes. At the end I still do not honor the request that the trantrum was for. She also has to apologize for throwing a fit to those who had to watch it.
Each kid needs a different discipline plan you can't use the same for both with one having special needs and one not. But for the typical child she has to learn that she can't get away with things because it upsets her brother otherwise you create a whole new set of problems. I would try to find an area where she can be in a time out away from her brother so as not to upset him. If it were me I would take advantage of the 2 story house and put her on one floor for timeouts and then have him in another area.
That is a really hard situation! And yeah, I think in general, girls are worse with the whiny/tantrum stage.
For Ava we only give time-out for direct disobedience or disrespectful behavior.
When she is whiny, I remind her to use nice voice instead of whiny voice, and that when she is around others, she needs to be nice. After that reminder she will usually tell us that she needs time alone to calm down, so she'll go into our room until she can use nice voice, so she imposes her own type of 'time out' like a calm down time for her, but she is free to calm out whenever she can be nice.
Every kid is different. If it would work for Kendall to somehow train her when she's whining to go someplace away from Cam until she can be calm it gives her the training to self-regulate herself and calm herself down, and it'll get the noise away from Cam. As how to do that training, I'm not really sure because it was Ava who started that and just kinda trained herself.
Will definitely be praying to a good solution that works for everyone in your family.
I'm still thinking this through--it's a hard one to figure out because of Cam's response. Charlee & the Jessicas have some really good thoughts.
I think I would just add one thing. The fact that you can't respond to Kendall the way you want every time she fusses/misbehaves isn't going to determine her destiny. Of course, consistency in discipline is important, but the times that you have to let slide (because of Cam) can be corrected later. As she gets older & can understand more, you can "nip it in the bud" by having HER be the one to leave the room for a time-out, etc.
If Super Nanny can straighten out a belligerent 8-year-old, you can straighten out a little 3 or 4-year old who didn't quite get it when she was 2. :) So I guess I'm saying to relax a little. You're doing a great job!
--Mom
LOVE your mom's point!!
Your Anon. poster is right super nanny is my hero! Her stuff works! she is one of the only parenting books I have ever used that actualy mentioned special needs kids in it and how to work with it.If anything you try her methods always work if not version a then b works she has it down. Her mehtods if not used from the start can be implamented later and still work or with little minor tweeks can work in your home with your rules. I know she is against soap in the mouth(I watched that eposode) but I am sorry thats a way to get nasty language out of a small mouth! I have never heard that word since!
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